My Before and After

Bianca Vertucci was born a year ago today. She was 11 inches tall and weighed 11 ounces. She had her mother’s skin tone and her father’s eyes. She lived for just a few minutes. Two days later we had a memorial service for her in the chapel of the hospital in which she was born.

Over the past year I have grieved and laughed, have made new friends, and have clung to the friends who stood with me on 7-16-08 and still stand with me today. I visited my parents in south Florida during the Christmas holidays, and the New York area earlier this month. I spent the week with my parents, sister, niece and nephew. My dad was sick so I was particularly grateful to be able to see him (he is doing better). I also spent brief but great moments with friends, saw and enjoyed the New Yankee Stadium (every inch of which is sponsored by some company or product). I have gotten a myriad of advice (“No, I have not read The Shack yet, but I plan on it, thanks…”).

I am less than a week away from closing on the sale of my house, and I am buying a condominium in Dublin, not too far from where I live now. Next week after I move into the condo, I am traveling the next day with friends to Chicago to see the Cubs at Wrigley Field and to tour the city a bit. I didn’t plan it that way, my buyer wanted to close no later than 7-22, and when you can sell your house in this economic climate, you don’t make too many demands!

As you may expect, Amie is on my mind much of the time, and many of you who knew her have told me that you think about her often. I have written many songs over the past year, many of which I am in the process of recording soon. I hope that many of you will be able to listen to them.

A friend recently told me of friends of his who tragically lost their 4 year old daughter last summer. He said that they often talk about their lives in terms of ‘before and after’ her untimely and sudden death. I suspect they always will. I think in those terms myself and probably always will, and the line of demarcation is July 16, 2008.

I have another friend, a new one, who became a Christian earlier this year. Her ‘before and after’ is Before Christ and After Christ. She knows her Savior personally, and believes that her Savior has not only saved her, but is working even now to restore the universe to what it was created to be- no more sin, pain, suffering or death, only beauty, honor, faithfulness and love. I put my trust in Christ in high school and have experienced the truth and beauty of the gospel ever since. I pray that if you’re reading this and you don’t know Christ, you would consider putting your hope in him. One place you can read about His gospel is at http://www.pcanet.org/general/eternal.htm.

On the last day of Amie’s life, I realized that she was not mine, that though we loved each other dearly, she was God’s. Her hope that day was not in loving me, not in what she accomplished in her brief life. It was in Jesus Christ and His love and sacrifice for her. He is anyone’s only hope, especially on one’s deathbed. And ultimately he will be everyone’s Before and After.